I decided to risk it and walk home in the indecisive weather today, surrounded by some grainy aura that one can usually see in an early-90s film. Kino and David Bowie blaring in my ears. The rain drizzled for a few seconds as I trekked it out from under the hovering singular ominous cloud. My head pounded too much for running but I wanted to blow off a little steam before actually arriving home in our little dump sweet dump. Headphones squeezing your already-hurting head all day can surely put you in a bad mood, although it is rather nice when if one does go into work in a sour mood and the atmosphere of their colleagues actually forces them to stop being such a sourpuss. That’s got to mean something.

We’re officially no longer the new kids on the block at work now, actually. I still feel like I can’t actually complete half of the things I do without bugging someone else. And I do wonder how long it will last before someone yells so long and loud at me over the tele lines that they actually bring tears to my eyes, the ones that you get from being in complete shock and not really able to get a word in. Or maybe I was just in too much of an ill/headachey state this morning to properly handle the extremelyyyyyyyyyyy pissy first caller. Whatever.

I’m home and tonight is pizza & cianti on the Dansaert, so things shall be looking up momentarily.

That’s me, eating one grape and ballooning in size. I discussed with the girl at work our clutzy nature. There must be women born under a certain star that guarantees them some kind of sultry appeal, while others are constantly smashing their hand in a drawer and falling off of couches at crucial moments. The only things which relieve us of our suffering is chocolate and Mexican food.

So, how is work? I think there are far too many people who dedicate their days to whining/complaining/whathaveyou. Sometimes it’s hard to not cackle at how very miserable they must be that they can’t relax, enjoy the sunshine, or something. At least it’s inspired me to seek more escapist activities like reading, as reality is really turning out too pathetic.

Friday night I shook my fat hips alone with a long island iced tea to some kind of ranchera music at the Latina festival, watching all the Marias dancing in unison. It was there I realized how much I’d missed barbecued corn on the cob.

Today was…. full of adventure.

I went to my job interview. It was ok. I think I’m not used to the idea of a professional interview. Or a professional me. It was quite a hike, however, to the place and I had forgotten what it was like to walk in girl shoes.  This in addition to the fact that my feet are not made for girl shoes. I’ve heard that plenty of women endure plenty of pain to pass off some image of beauty or something but… yeah, I don’t know if I’m ready for that. I think I kept a straight face while my toes were screaming bloody murder, but who knows?

At least my hair was soft. And vibrant.

So I left said interview and the rain began to pour. Perfect ending, really. I pulled out my hair clip and shook out my hair to ease the tension of an oncoming headache. I felt a little runover but I just had to make it to the bus stop and then I could relax from there. Meanwhile, two cars stopped to ask for directions along the lonely road and I just spouted some nonsense to get them to move along.

I saw my bus approaching the stop in the distance but I couldn’t bring my feet to run. I figured another one would come at some point. I waited in the bus stop with my umbrella open because the stop wasn’t actually preventing the water from coming in. Silly idea, it seemed.

The bus came, I got on. I hadn’t taken a bus there but I couldn’t bear to walk back. I asked the driver how much a ticket cost and when he asked where I was going, he told me to go ahead and sit down without a ticket. So I did. For some reason I figured this meant he knew which station I was getting off at and would stop. He didn’t, and I watched what I assumed to be my stop pass me by. An old woman seated beside me stared at me, likely because she heard me say what stop I was getting off at.  I continued to ride the bus, hoping at some point it would retrace its steps. At some point the bus driver gave me a spare ticket “in case the controller comes”… and I was quite confused by this. I thought he had forgotten that I was still on the bus, I thought that’s why he never stopped.

Anyway. Old woman gets off. Older-middle-aged man decides he is going to move to the seat beside me.  He says hello. I was thinking in the back of my mind, “ok, do people say hello to fellow passengers in small towns here, or what?” I said hello and then tried to ignore the man. I saw a train station and I decided to get up and get off, because I knew it would somehow get me home. Older man said, “au revoir, Madame” in the creepiest voice on Earth. I hobbled into the rusty old train station, put myself on the first thing to Brussels, came home and passed out on the bed. Sadly I’d already bought a return ticket from the initial destination, so I had to buy another ticket. What-ever.

Hm.

A magpie flew up to our window this morning and pecked repeatedly on the window glass. When no one was there, he moved to the other window to peck there. What were you looking for, big-ass bird?

I found shoes, at least:

When you coming home, son? I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, dad.
You know we’ll have a good time then

My phone rang so much yesterday I can still hear it dingalinging in my head. In songs, in traffic, in television… I hear it. I’m glad yesterday is over. I went to bed quite early (missed my Jonathan Ross…) and dreamt of Russia, luggage, websites, old professors, old friends, and freezers.

At least I’ve gotten a good day of volunteering and – count ‘em – TWO interviews next week! I’m quite excited. Both pay quite well, are places I could potentially be excited about, and have beaucoup de benefits. The only problem is finding something appropriate to wear to said interviews. My lack of style and anxiety about shopping has produced nothing from my shopping ventures. Not to mention that Europe doesn’t cater to people with freak feet like mine. I’m also not sure what to do about my hair because I’m sure it’s fading and I’d love to touch it up tomorrow but then it’s going to stink for a couple of days.

This week has been ridiculous, though. Our electricity went out in one room, and we couldn’t figure it out.  Four days later an electrician came and showed us where our real breaker box was. Apparently we’d been using the wrong one all along. That’s what you get for living in a language you don’t understand. How did the electricity go out? Well, our baby fridge decided to blow a fuse. It basically exploded. So we also had to hunt for a new fridge. We found the perfect one on ebay – perfect size, perfect look, super clean, super nice people selling it. We got home… and it doesn’t work right. Cool. All week we’ve been trying everything to make it better, but we’re going to have to give it back and thankfully the guy is willing to refund us, but I feel quite bad about putting him through all this trouble.

I’m glad there’s some comedy in this tragedy, or I’d probably crumble myself. I can just hope next week goes well.

So, uh, Tuesday I was sick as a dog. Monday I could feel it coming but figured it was just a migraine I was managing to supress. Still not quite sure what hit me Sunday night ’til this morning, but it was…. awful. Tuesday T. rushed home from work and took me to the doctor, probably sick of me calling him at work and crying on the phone in a moment of severe weakness. When I began belting out Queen lyrics in my lovely operatic tenor voice last night, T. declared the sickness as over. I don’t think it was officially over until this afternoon. I’m still battling a stupid headache.

So I didn’t make it to my volunteer work this week but already rescheduled for next week. I got a lot done today, actually.  I went to the library to scope out something to watch (for some reason I really want to watch Boogie Nights but the library didn’t have it) and even scribbled out some new movies to watch out for from Sight&Sound magazine. I rescheduled my volunteer work in person. I decided to go to Waterstone’s and, on my way there, read almost every job post in the windows of the interim agencies that I passed along the way. I saw an opportunity, so I popped in to ask how I could go about applying. She sat me down, we had a nice chat, she was probably one of the sweetest/most helpful people I’ve met here, she gave me a pre-interview and said she’d contact me next week.

Really, really? It sounded so good, … the salary, the work, the extras. I really am hoping I get this so at least I can put financial worries on the backburner until I can figure out what I want to do with my life. I graduated early so I could really sit down and think but fear has kept me from…. thinking very clearly or making any real decisions.  Really, I’m crossing toes on this one. I hope it wasn’t all a façade because she seemed so genuinely excited about me.

I had originally meant to go to a job center on Tuesday but when I woke up with the world’s worst headache I got a little sidetracked. It feels good to at least make some kind of move this week – I’ve been in bed the past two days.